Watchman Nee and death

I've recently been reading a few books by Watchman Nee, a Chinese evangelist and leader of the indigenous church in China.  They are deeply revelatory yet profoundly simple and digestible.  I've been meaning to write about what I've been reading for a while, but after every chapter I'm so moved I don't know if I can put it into words.  

Nee writes a lot about death, dying to yourself and dying in Christ.  While I understand the implications and applications, I'm not quite sure if I follow his entire line of thinking, but I love what he says about new life in Christ.  I'm literally reading and re-reading chapters because they're so beautiful.

In the book I'm currently reading The Normal Christian Life, Nee talks about the process of being crucified with Christ, and then being resurrected with Him, both of which we accept by faith.  "In resurrection he is the source of my life-indeed he is my life; so I cannot but present everything to him, for all is his, not mine.  But without passing through death I have nothing to consecrate, nor is there anything God can accept, for he has condemned all that is of the old creation to the Cross."  As a sinner, as a person, I have nothing to give to God.  Everything I would offer Him is already tainted and thus He cannot accept it.  How beautiful that, through the life that He gives me, I can give Him my life in obedience.

Nee goes on to say "God will always break what is offered to him.  He breaks what he takes, but after breaking it blesses and uses it to meet the needs of others."  Sometimes when I think of giving my life to God, I think of what I will be able to do for Him, but when we truly give something, we don't have control over the gift.  The recipient can do whatever he wants.  I could give a crystal vase to someone thinking it will be so beautiful in their home, and they might give it to their child to play with, and ultimately break.  What is it to me?  I gave the gift and can have no say over what becomes of it.

So it is with our lives.  When we really give our lives to God, He has the right to ask whatever He will of us, even if it seems painful, unnecessary or even a waste.  What should it be to us?  My life is not my own.  My life, in Christ is given back to Him.  It is the only option.  Anything I take away from Him will become worthless, shamefully wasting the blood He shed for me.